We now paws for this message....

My dog is nuts. I'd say my kid was nuts as well but that would be redundant. My kid is a typical 5 year old whose favorite past time is taking headers off the couch and farting.

My dog on the other hand......

We have anxiety issues. Left to his own devices, Rupert, (that's the dog) will destroy anything within his reach. Thank the gods the dog only weighs 13 lbs. (approx. 6 kilos). He's a chihuahua/dachshund cross. I'm convinced therein lies his problem. Chihuahuas would rule the world if they had opposable thumbs. The next time you see a chihuahua basking in a sunbeam, take a hard look. That dog isn't napping, she/he is plotting (not entirely unlike The Brain) to take over the world. That supremely benign expression is pure ecstasy at the thought of a chihuahua run world.

Now back to Rupert.

His dachshund side is considerably more pragmatic than the chihuahua side. Dachshunds are tough little bastiches with a no nonsense air about them. His rampant discontent is because one part of him wishes to be Supreme Ruler while the other side sees the futility of trying to make adult human beings do anything that makes sense...not entirely like herding cats or asking for a group of 5 year olds to maintain a modicum of order.

So Rupert is sentenced to a life of conflicting thoughts and I am sentenced to a life of picking up piles of shredded tissue or overturned trash cans. My mini blinds are forever in peril.

I had gastric bypass surgery

There are quite a few people in this world that think I took the easy way out when it comes to losing some of the 250+ pounds I had to lose. I have to say, I got enormous over the last two years. After Scott died, I comfy ate. Go figure. It took three years for me to find insurance that would actually cover the procedure.

I decided I owed it to Jeff to become a mommy that didn't have to use a cane, puff like a freight train when she walked and couldn't stand up for more than 45 seconds.

I once went through the Diet Center's program and lost the same amount of weight I've lost through RNY. I gained that weight back plus some. I once went on the SlimFast diet and lost the same amount of weight I've lost through RNY. I gained that weight back plus some. I once got pregnant and lost the same amount of weight (via morning sickness that lasted my entire pregnancy) the same amount of weight I've lost through RNY.

The difference? Well, when I was on those diets, I constantly thought about food. I was constantly hungry. When I failed at those diets, I binge ate. With my RNY, I'm not hungry. I simply can't binge eat. The weight loss *IS* easy, the route I take to the weight loss isn't. I don't tolerate any artificial sweetener well. They all make me ill in some form. Sugar also makes me ill if I eat too much. I'm soy allergic and winding up with pulmonary edema from an allergic reaction is reason enough to be a soy nazi. My WLS has its trials but in the long run (Yeah, right, I'm only 4 months out) I believe this is the one that will stick with me.

Or I could just be talking out of my ass.

There are no easy solutions, I guess.

All I was looking for with this surgery is a life where a Lean Cuisine would fill me up....now I find out they are loaded with soy protein. Does that qualify as irony?

What is it about mothers?

I'm well past 21 but my mom still sees fit to get into every single aspect of my life, bidden or unbidden. At this very moment, she is so pissed off at me because I can't tell her when I'm going to get started on my home improvement projects. I don't know! I'm a real 'when the mood strikes me' kind of girl. That means it might strike me at 3 am. I'm just never sure. I would really love to be able to say, "Mom, I'm going to start on this next Thursday at 11:25 am. I'll be using a medium spackle knife and a #3 paint brush." but I just don't think that way. Frankly, I would really like to know when my house became her business. She constantly tells me how to raise my son. "He's hyperactive." "He needs a speech therapist." "He's not reading yet?" Just some of the little gems that have fallen from her lips in the past 6 months. I recently had gastric bypass surgery and I've finally stonewalled her enough on how much weight I've lost that she's stopped asking.

Why don't I just tell her to fuck off? Well, I was raised in the South by a military father and a Southern mother. I was also raised in a christian household so that whole 'respect your elders' so that paradigm is in place. I'm getting better with time. I stopped doing guilt years ago but she still keeps booking those heavy guilt trips for me. The bitterness and anger from her 'poverty' and advancing macular degeneration is tangible.

Sigh.

I guess I'll never understand my mom. I just hope I don't turn out like her in my later years. That thought is one that haunts me in the early morning hours.

Wow....

So this is a blog. Nice square footage. Good bones. I think I can work with this.

One kid - 5 years old, cute, a little on the weird side but cool

One dog - neurosis on 4 legs, cute, doesn't shed much

One house - clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy

Me? Single mom, widow, thinking about going back to school. I had gastric bypass surgery about 4 months ago. That's pretty much me in a nutshell.