Thursday, January 18, 2007

What is it about mothers?

I'm well past 21 but my mom still sees fit to get into every single aspect of my life, bidden or unbidden. At this very moment, she is so pissed off at me because I can't tell her when I'm going to get started on my home improvement projects. I don't know! I'm a real 'when the mood strikes me' kind of girl. That means it might strike me at 3 am. I'm just never sure. I would really love to be able to say, "Mom, I'm going to start on this next Thursday at 11:25 am. I'll be using a medium spackle knife and a #3 paint brush." but I just don't think that way. Frankly, I would really like to know when my house became her business. She constantly tells me how to raise my son. "He's hyperactive." "He needs a speech therapist." "He's not reading yet?" Just some of the little gems that have fallen from her lips in the past 6 months. I recently had gastric bypass surgery and I've finally stonewalled her enough on how much weight I've lost that she's stopped asking.

Why don't I just tell her to fuck off? Well, I was raised in the South by a military father and a Southern mother. I was also raised in a christian household so that whole 'respect your elders' so that paradigm is in place. I'm getting better with time. I stopped doing guilt years ago but she still keeps booking those heavy guilt trips for me. The bitterness and anger from her 'poverty' and advancing macular degeneration is tangible.


I guess I'll never understand my mom. I just hope I don't turn out like her in my later years. That thought is one that haunts me in the early morning hours.

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